If Cats Were Job Seekers: 9 Questionable Career Tips

Playful lessons from our furry friends on bad career advice

We’ve all heard the phrase “herding cats.” Now imagine those cats applying for jobs. From their unique sense of entitlement to their uncanny ability to nap through the most important moments, here are some valuable (and by valuable, we mean questionable) career tips… if cats were job seekers.

1. Always Show Up Late, But With Confidence

Why rush? Cats know the world revolves around them. If an interview starts at 10:00 AM, the cat applicant will stroll in at 10:37, stretch luxuriously, and then sit directly on the interviewer’s notes. Confidence, darling.

2. Your Résumé Should Include “Professional Lap Occupant”

Cats don’t bother with modesty. Skills? Napping for 16 hours straight, shredding cardboard boxes into modern art, and “expert-level biscuit making.” Honestly, some of these sound more useful than “proficient in Excel.”

3. Dress Code: Shed on Everything

Business casual? More like business casual-fur. A cat knows that their natural fluff accessorizes any outfit, especially black suits. Consider it branding: leaving a little of yourself wherever you go.

4. Network Like a Cat: Rub Against People Unexpectedly

While humans hand out business cards, cats prefer to rub their heads against your leg without warning. It’s their way of saying, we’re connected now. Try this at the next networking event—results may vary.

5. Don’t Answer Questions. Stare.

When asked, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” the feline candidate offers an unblinking stare into the interviewer’s soul. No words needed. True mystery is the ultimate career strategy.

6. Claim Every Chair as Your Own

Forget hot-desking. Cats firmly believe that every chair in the office is their chair. Coworkers may try to sit down, but territorial occupation is a form of negotiation.

7. Demand Benefits Up Front

Forget waiting 90 days for health coverage. Cats expect full dental (for their fangs), free snacks at all times, and a sunbeam in the office by Day 1. Otherwise? They’ll knock your coffee mug onto the floor as a sign of protest.

8. Work-Life Balance Means Napping During Meetings

Cats know the truth: every meeting could have been an email. So they’ll happily curl up on the keyboard mid-Zoom call. Productivity tip? Sleep through it.

9. Leave Dramatically

Cats don’t just quit—they knock everything off the desk, flick their tails, and strut out without a backward glance. HR calls it “voluntary resignation”; cats call it “making an exit.”

Final Thoughts

If cats were job seekers, the workplace would be chaos: naps in the break room, tail flicks in HR, and plenty of shredded furniture. But let’s be honest—some of their unapologetic confidence is exactly what many of us need in our careers.

So the next time you hesitate to negotiate for a raise or doubt your résumé, just ask yourself: What would a cat do?